A Cautionary Tale

Today I have a story for you, I think it illustrates quite nicely the reason why I hate most of the Great British public, and probably why they don’t seem to like me that much either.
I was driving to work last week, on a part of my route that uses a dual carriageway, I was in the outside lane doing about 60 (the limit being 50) and was following a car doing about the same speed when a man driving a blue Mondeo (hereafter referred to as Mondeo Man) came roaring up behind me and flashing his lights, I detest this kind of behaviour at the best of times, but even if I had got over he’d have still been stuck behind the other car who would then also have to make way for this king of the road, so naturally I stayed where I was, also there was a slip road a little way ahead with quite a few cars joining the inside lane, but before all that Mondeo man obviously could wait no longer and undertook me, now this does happen to people every so often (even when they are already breaking the speed limit!) and I thought little of it until I, having passed the slip road and moved into the inner lane, observed that Mondeo man was up ahead not actually going all that fast, simply by doing my normal cruising speed I undertook him and went on my way.
For Mondeo man, this was it, presumably to him my act of undertaking was an unbearable slight on his manhood, especially since it came from a scruffy bespectacled youth in a purple Nissan Micra, he now had to prove himself a man by not conceding defeat.
I of course couldn’t give a flying fuck, this strange duel had come about by me simply driving along at my normal speed, but if I could, I hoped I would show Mondeo man the foolishness of such aggression.
After progressing a little way down the road and across a few roundabouts, suddenly there he was again roaring past me with an expression like he was about to explode and a vast repertoire of abusive gestures, my response to this was to laugh and pull an expression of mock surprise/shock in the style of Frankie Howerd. This was to play up to his probable belief that I was a homosexual (an assumption people sometimes make when they see me in my car). His reaction, as I suspected it would be, was to grow even more annoyed, there was a great deal of flailing, and some more gestures and I suspect foul language was in use as well.
Now he did something that surprised me a little, we were now on a single carriageway and Mondeo man began to gradually slow down and then held his speed at 15. This was obviously meant to annoy me, however I was wise to the act, having pulled this trick myself before on aggressive drivers. I had well over 20 minutes to get to work, more than enough time and my adversary had up to now only displayed impatience so I doubted he had the discipline to keep this manoeuvre up for very long. To further undermine him I made a big show of laughing more and singing along joyfully to a song playing on my ipod at the time, true enough after about 50 yards he gave up and drove away, and I carried on to work.
In conclusion, sometimes I can be an evil cunt, and one of life’s great pleasures is pissing off aggressive drivers, mainly because it’s so easy, they let themselves get annoyed by silly things.
Also today we have me review of the year, in preparation for being in a drunken haze for much of Christmas I’m going to post it now.

Mr Rob’s Review of the Year 2008

Top Films

In Bruges
Wall-E
The Dark Knight
Juno
Son Of Rambow
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Sweeney Todd
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Death Race (far better than it had any right to be)

Top Old Film Discovered This Year

Raw Deal, Utterly wonderful shit Arnie action film.
"you should not drink, and bake!"

Top Albums

Seasick Steve - I Started Out With Nothing and I Still got most of it left
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
Drive-By Truckers - Brighter Than Creations Dark
The Raconteurs - Consolers Of the Lonely
The Wildhearts - Stop us if you’ve hear this one before Vol. 1
(honourable mention for AC/DC and Nicole Atkins)
Top Albums Discovered This Year
Wintersleep - Welcome To The Night Sky
Big Star - #1 Record/Radio City/In Space
The Replacements - Let It Be Reissue
The Cramps - Big Beat From Badsville
Ziltoid The Omniscient

Top Events

Meeting Francesca.
First Holiday without family, escape to Suffolk.
Seeing Grindhouse at Prince Charles Cinema.
Urban Exploring with Aaron
Dressing Up as the Joker and running the Bat-Bar for the Dark Knight opening weekend.
Discovering that I know how to draw.

Merry Christmas all! And much love. x